Welcome to Surpass Your Dreams. The goal of this newsletter is to help you recognize your potential and surpass your dreams. This issue is dedicated to getting people to listen to you when you speak.

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1. Do People Listen To You When You Speak?
2. Top Ways To Become a Master Listener
3. What Do You Think?
4. Last Month
5. Great Resources

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I. DO PEOPLE LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU SPEAK?

Are people listening to you when you speak? If not, maybe it's because you are not listening to them. Why would people be open to what you have to say if they believe you are uninterested in what they are saying to you?

So how do you listen to people? Do you look them in the eye, or are you looking around the room for something better? Are you telling people how much you care about them but your face is saying how much you disapprove of their actions or their lives? Do you act on their words or do you say "yes" then do whatever you want when you get around to it?

People know when they are being heard and they react in kind. And, your body language says much more than your words. Just think about how you feel when people are not listening to you. It's upsetting, frustrating, and isolating. When you are not listening to others, they feel the same way. At least now you can understand what you created and take responsibility for it. It doesn't matter who started, you can be the one who turns the situation around.

So where do you begin? The first place to start is to communicate openly with the people in your life and let them know if they've hurt you in the past. It is amazing how unspoken disappointments can cripple the communication process between two individuals. If you empower people by telling them how much you appreciate them, they will be much more open to what you have to say. Once the air has been cleared, you have now created an environment that allows you to hear what they are saying to you. For some of you, this may be for the first time.

Your reward is that people will change the way they listen to you. Once they feel love and warmth from your end, they will be open and willing to listen to what you have to say. They will look forward to conversations with you because they will be fulfilling and satisfying. Isn't this worth the effort to make the change?

You have the power to change how others hear you. Use it to create amazing relationships with the people in your life today!

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Here's what one person wrote to me as a result of coaching she received by e-mail:

"I want to thank you very much for your e-mail coaching. As you know, I was sitting in my office unable to continue with a project I was working on because I was so mad at my boss. I was upset because of the way she was speaking to me. Didn't she know how hard I was working on the project she gave me? It isn't my fault I wasn't given clear direction. Because of your e-mail response I was able to see that my anger was getting in the way of being able to communicate with my boss effectively. I was able to walk into her office and express why I was upset clearly and calmly. As a result, she apologized for the way she spoke to me and promised not to do it again. Without your words, I would have handled the situation in a way that would not have been to my benefit. Thanks again!"

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II. TOP WAYS TO BECOME A MASTER LISTENER

Active, empathetic listening plays a crucial role in good communication. By tuning into others, we avert misunderstandings and mistakes and we strengthen our business and personal relationships. Yet most of us really don't listen effectively. We're taught how to read, write, and speak; but rarely how to listen. The good news is that listening skills can be learned, practiced and mastered. Poor habits can be changed. Here are ten tips to improve your listening skills.

1. Start observing your own and other people's listening habits. Ask yourself what it feels like when someone really listens to you and, conversely, when they don't.

2. Stop talking! You can't talk and listen effectively at the same time. Spend only 20 percent of the time talking and 80 percent listening.

3. Be present and patient with the speaker. Don't interrupt. Avoid mentally preparing your response or rebuttal while the other person is speaking.

4. Listen with empathy. Put yourself in the other person's place so that you can understand the speaker's point of view.

5. Let the speaker know you're really listening. Maintain good eye contact and nod or shake your head occasionally. Your body language gives the speaker clues about whether or not you want to hear what they're saying.

6. Identify your red flag words and hot button topics - those that really get under your skin. Being aware of them will help you avoid distorting the speaker's message or shutting down. When you close your mind, you may miss something important.

7. Eliminate external distractions. Avoid noisy restaurants or sites that are too hot, cold, windy, or uncomfortable. Move to another location in your office or at a reception if you're having trouble hearing.

8. Keep background noise to a minimum when trying to listen to someone on the telephone. Turning magazine pages, shuffling papers, or clicking computer keys sends a signal that you're only half-listening.

9. Practice listening by paying close attention to speakers on television. Listen to those who are giving speeches rather than just sound bites.

10. Create a checklist of listening habits you want to change. Develop an action plan for changing specific habits each week. Practicing good listening habits will help you become a master listener.

About the Author: This piece was written by Dee Helfgott, who can be reached at coachdha@aol.com.

III. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

The best thing about writing this newsletter is the love and support I get from you. Your comments touch and inspire me, so I thought I would give you the opportunity to touch and inspire others. I would like to dedicate this section to my readers so you can have a place to share yourselves and have your words touch others in the way that they touch me.

This month's topic is getting people to listen to you when you speak. Do people listen to you when you speak? Do you wish they would? Would you like to get better at it? Are you already successful and would like to share your tips with others?

Write in and let me know. I will put your words in the newsletter. I can use your name or not, but the focus is on letting people know that there are other people just like them, and that they are not alone in their thoughts. Some of the biggest things I hear as a coach are "You might think what I am about to say is crazy" or "I know I shouldn't be thinking this way." Knowing that there are people out there thinking the same way allows us to accept our thoughts and be nicer to ourselves in the growth process. We all have things in our lives that we want to be better, but do we have to give ourselves a hard time while we are getting there?

I also want you to see that your words make a difference. Sometimes we think that people are not that interested in what we have to say. This is definitely not true. What I have learned from writing this newsletter is that you have no idea of the impact that one sentence can have on another human being. And just because you don't see the impact or get the thank you doesn't mean that the difference was not made.

Please send you stories or contributions to info@surpassyourdreams.com I will post your comments in this section and they will be based on the previous month's topic. The person whose contribution generates the most responses will receive a FREE E-MAIL COACHING QUESTION VALUED AT $19.95.

ARE YOU READY FOR PERSONAL COACHING?

Are you living your dreams? Are you letting go of guilt and taking chances? Are you happy and living a life you love?

If you are ready to live your dreams and take your life to the next level, then personal coaching may be for you.

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING AFTER BEING COACHED:

"I recognize that I am powerful and successful."

"I move forward without procrastination in spite of not having the perfect option or knowing how it's going to turn out."

"I have tremendous power in shaping my reality and influencing all people with whom I come into contact with."

"I take full responsibility for my life and have stopped blaming others for my mistakes."

To see more about other people are saying about being coached, visit testimonials.html

For a Free 30-minute Telephone Coaching Session to see if personal coaching is the next step for you, please send an e-mail to info@surpassyourdreams.com

IV. LAST MONTH

Last month's issue was dedicated to implementing change when you are ready.

So how do you implement change? First you have to want it. This is the crucial first step and with this step brings the pathway to freedom. After you decide you want to change, then you must decide that you are ready for change. Once you are ready, you can achieve it. I know that this is something you may have heard one thousand times before, but it really works. When you want it, and you are ready, it is possible. This is where you begin.

So What Do You Do Next?

To read this issue, as well as other past issues, go to my newsletter archive at the top of this page.

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Have a great month!

Deborah Brown-Volkman, Author and Writer
Brian Volkman, Editor

Copyright © 2001, all rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute text from the newsletter or the content in its entirety so long as this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author (Deborah J. Brown) is attached.

Deborah J. Brown, Personal Coach and Motivational Speaker
info@surpassyourdreams.com
http://www.surpassyourdreams.com
212-586-0787

Brian Volkman
brianonline@worldnet.att.net

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