Welcome to Surpass Your Dreams. The goal of this newsletter is to help you recognize your potential and surpass your dreams. This month we will talk about how to trust that things will work out.

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1. Do You Keep Everything Inside?
2. Top Mistakes Most Often Made In Communicating
3. Are You Ready To Take Your Life To The Next Level?
4. Last Month
5. Great Resources

I. DO YOU KEEP EVERYTHING INSIDE?

Do you keep everything inside, or do you share with other people what is going on in your life?

Most people I work with say that they keep their problems to themselves and work things out on their own. Some do have supportive people in their lives, and they consider themselves to be very lucky. But most are afraid to open up to the people in their lives and let them know when they need to talk.

Why is this so? Because they’ve opened themselves up to others in the past and they’ve gotten hurt or disappointed. They’ve heard statements like “Why would you get upset about that,?” “You always take things too personally, ” “Get over it, it’s really not a big deal,” “You always seem to be upset about the same thing. Why can’t you get past it already,” or “Why can’t you be happy?”

Responses like those listed above become reasons why you stop opening up to people. You might even use these reasons to punish the people, who in your mind, “were not there for you.” (I speak from experience; I think I invented this concept!)

True, a negative response when you share your thoughts may seem like a good reason to keep quiet in the future, but are you serving yourself well? When you keep things inside and do not communicate them, the only person you hurt is yourself.

Here’s another way of looking at it. The people in your life that said these things to you probably said them with good intentions. They love you and they only want the best for you. (Really!) They might have had a bad day themselves, or thought their words would motivate you rather than upset you. If you could keep that in mind, hopefully it would give you the courage to try again.

The rewards are worthwhile. Imagine getting to be yourself with the people in your lives without worrying whether they are judging you or not. Imagine having someone to talk to about what going on in your life. Imagine leaving a conversation feeling better than when you started it. If you go into a conversation believing that the other person is interested and wants to help you, then that is how the conversation will turn out. Plus, the person is probably dying to know what is going on in your life. It’s up to you whether share your thoughts or not.

So please open up and communicate with the people around you. You only have one life to live so it might as well be one that is full of intimacy and great conversations!

II. TOP MISTAKES MOST OFTEN MADE IN COMMUNICATING

1. 'Needing' to communicate.
   When you "have" to communicate, you probably won't be communicating very well. In other words, if you wait until you "have" to say something, you've missed the real opportunity for great communication. Tip: Communicate before you need to.
2. Trying to prove that you're right.
   When you find yourself repeating yourself, pushing to get someone to see it your way, creating evidence to strengthen your side, you're caught up in the situation. When you're simply accurate and calm, you don't need to push it. Tip: Being right at the expense of others keeps you from being close and intimate with the people around you.
3. Have people be heard.
   If you don't say anything or say things that don't help the person feel like you understand them, they'll get frustrated, keep talking, raise their intensity, etc. Tip: Learn the ways to say things that have the person speaking feel that you've heard them.
4. Holding Stuff Back.
   Full communication means that you say everything that's occurring to you, albeit appropriately. If you edit the important stuff out, you maintain an inventory, which, like milk, spoils quickly. Tip: Talk to family, friends and co-workers and get agreements from all parties to communicate fully, along with an agreed-upon way to clean up/make up if one is perceived as going too far.
5. Being Stressed, Caffeined, Adrenalined (drugged).
   Communication becomes stressed when you're under the influence of external substances. Better to reduce/eliminate these rather than trying to strengthen your communication skills to overcome these influences. Tip: Simplify and clean up your life if you want to be a great communicator.
6. Insincerity.
   We've been trained to say the right thing, even if it isn’t the truth. With all the hype and positioning occurring today, folks are less tolerant of bull and highly reward and value truth, sincerity, directness. There IS a truth in every communication and it's worth finding. Tip: Decide to tell the truth, even if there are consequences.
7. Not being responsible for how you are heard.
   It's one thing to speak your mind, which is usually healthy. Yet, assuming this, you can go the extra step and stand in the recipient's shoes and listen to how they are listening, being sensitive to their needs and style. Doing this will quickly improve most of your communications. And, it's not a weakness or patronizing or co-dependency. Instead, it's a gift to both parties. Tip: Ask people around you how they hear you. Learn from this.
8. Broadcasting.
   Communication is two ways; broadcasting is only one way. Not much new stuff can be created when you're broadcasting (telling stories, complaining, ranting, stating opinions ad nauseum, being full of oneself). And one of the joys of communication is what can be created between/among the parties. That's where the magic is. Tip: If you talk a lot, find out why. You're likely to attract an audience, but wouldn't you rather have creative partners, instead?
9. Speaking Too Quickly.
   Why speak so quickly that the recipient needs to focus hard to listen and absorb? This is an unnecessary stress, especially when you really want your message to get across. Tip: If you're a fast talker, find out why and fix it.
10. Criticizing, Even Subtle.
    Nothing stops a communication flow faster than criticism, in any form. Tip: Stop.

Based on a list written by Thomas J. Leonard, Master Coach. Thomas can be
reached at thomas@thomasleonard.com.

III. ARE YOU READY TO TAKE YOUR LIFE TO THE NEXT LEVEL?

If you are ready to take your life to the next level, then Coaching may be right for you.

For a Free 30-minute Telephone Coaching Session, please call me at (516) 432-2440, or send an e-mail to info@surpassyourdreams.com. This free session will give you the opportunity to see first hand if a coach is the next step
for you. For additional information, my web-site is at http://www.surpassyourdreams.com.

Last month’s issue was dedicated to trusting that it will all work out in the end.

Think about something that you really want to work out. Do you trust that it will? Maybe it’s time that you did.

The truth is that things always work out in the end. Life takes care of itself whether you want it to or not. If take a look at your life, you will notice that it all worked out it the end, and it all worked out for the best.

So why can’t you trust that it will work out while you are going through it?

Trust is not being afraid to move forward. Trust is knowing that it will all work out in the end.

To read this issue, as well as other past issues, check the newsletter archive list at the top of the page.

Would you like to have your newsletter, e-zine or resource listed here? Please send your name, e-mail address and 1-2 sentence description of your resource to info@surpassyourdreams.com. If I feel it will benefit my readers, I will be happy to list it here.

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Have a great month!

Deborah Brown-Volkman, Author and Writer
Brian Volkman, Editor

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